Funny: Homer’s best sayings

Subject: Funny: Homer’s best sayings Wed Oct 08, 2008 1:45 am

Now enjoy this list of Homer’s best sayings:

Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen

Homer: If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing!

Marge: This chair is $2 000! (It is an electronic relaxation chair) We could buy a whole living room set for that!

Homer: Marge, there’s an empty spot I’ve always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

Marge: You could take an adult education course.

Homer: Oh, and how is "education" supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?

Marge: Homer, please don’t make me choose between my man and my God, because you just can’t win.

Homer: There you go again, always taking someone else’s side. Flanders, the water department, God…

God: Thou hast forsaken My Church!

Homer: Uh, kind-of… b-but…

God: But what!

Homer: I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids.

So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

God: [pause] Hmm… You’ve got a point there.

Homer: Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it.

Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

Homer: Marge, I’m going to miss you so much. And it’s not just the sex. It’s also the food preparation.

Marge: I want you to throw away these old calendars and TV Guides.

Homer: Are you mad, woman? You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it’s not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Homer: Lisa, if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike: you just go in every day and do it really half assed. That’s the American way.

Homer: What’s the point of going out? We’re just gonna wind up back here anyway.

Lisa: [wiping her dress] Oh, I can’t get the smell of slurry out of my clothes. I was a fool to help that horrible old man!

Homer: I hope you learned your lesson, Lisa: Never help anyone.

Homer: Facts are meaningless, you can use facts to prove anything that’s remotely true!

Homer: [talking about his fatness] Marge, how could you let me let myself go like this.

Marge: This should be a time… for communication.

Homer: That’s a good idea, dear. Bart, turn on the TV.

Homer: I’ve always wondered if there was a god.

And now I know there is — and it’s me.
_________________

Anarcho-Capitalist, ANCAPS Forum, Ancapolis, The Dark Side, Post-Apocalypse, OZschwitz Contraband

Location: Hadal Zone Job/hobbies: State Liquidator

Lisa: (spying on Bart) Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.
_________________
Anarcho-Capitalism Rules
ANCAP, Ancapolis, Aqua-Terra Division
OZschwitz Contraband